Miss Pharisee

Your hair is too short, and your blouse is too low.
You shouldn't wear pants to this service, you know.

I think that I noticed as we bowed to pray--
Your head was not lowered in quite the right way.

And, hey, did you sing the last verse of that song?
I thought that you didn't (but I could be wrong).

I think that the preacher was talking to you.
He mentioned some sins that I know that you do.

And, oh, did you notice that Sue is not here?
She claims to be sick; but she's lying, I fear.

Did you hear the latest on Allison Nunn?
She went to the beach and lay out in the sun!

Would you look at that--how she's staring at Gene!
His wife should take notice, you know what I mean?

Oh, no, I can't visit Old Sister Marie.
The smell in her house is too pungent for me.

You'd think she would clean it--with guests coming by.
I can't understand it. (God knows that I try.)

I tolerate others, and try to forgive;
But it is disgraceful how some Christians live!

Well, dear, I must go now and open the bar.
You know how impatient my customers are.

I don't understand what they see in the drink.
Some day God will punish them sorely, I think.

I've just enough time to play lottery's Star,
And get my new tattoo right next to the bar.

Now pin up the hem on this skirt--that's just right.
I'll let it down easy for service tonight.

If only more Christians would do what is right,
They'd join me in heaven and share in my light.

But Jesus said only the good will get through.
I'm glad that I'm going. Too bad about you.

Tina Rae Collins

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