Tina Rae Collins
Author, Proofreader, and Copy Editor
NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND
I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are REAL notes written by PARENTS in a Tennessee school district. (Spellings have been left intact.)
1-- MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTOR'S CARE AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY. PLEASE EXECUTE HIM.
2-- PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER SHOT.
3-- DEAR SCHOOL : PLEASE ECSC's JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN 28, 29, 30, 31,32 AND ALSO 33.
4-- PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS ADMINISTRATING.
5-- PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P. E. FOR A FEW DAYS. YESTERDAY HE FELL OUT OF A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP.
6-- JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS FACE.
7-- CARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL. HE WAS HURT IN THE GROWING PART.
8-- MEGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN BOTHERED BY VERY CLOSE VEINS.
9-- CHRIS WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN HIS SIDE.
10-- PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL HE HAS VERY LOOSE VOWELS.
11-- PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD (DIAHRE, DYREA, DIREATHE), THE SH**S. NOTE: [WORDS IN ( )'s WERE CROSSED OUT.]
12-- PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD DIARRHEA, AND HIS BOOTS LEAK.
13-- IRVING WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE MISSED HIS BUST.
14-- PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING. IT WAS HIS FATHER'S FAULT. {You know, this could be legit!}
15-- I KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING BECAUS I DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE WEAR.
16-- PLEASE EXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL YESTERDAY WE FORGOT TO GET THE SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE PORCH, AND WHEN WE FOUND IT MONDAY. WE THOUGHT IT WAS SUNDAY.
17-- MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED. SHE SPENT A WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES.
18-- PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD A COLD AND COULD NOT BREED WELL.
19-- PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. SHE WAS IN BED WITH GRAMPS.
20-- GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A GANGOVER.
21-- PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA . SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND UNDER THE DOCTOR.
22-- MARYANN WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE HAD A FEVER, SORETHROAT, HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH. HER SISTER WAS ALSO SICK, FEVER AN SORE THROAT, HER BROTHER HAD A LOW GRADE FEVER AND ACHED ALL OVER. I WASN'T THE BEST EITHER SORE THROAT AND FEVER. THERE MUST BE SOMETHIN GOING AROUND, HER FATHER EVEN GOT HOT LAST NIGHT.
NOW WE KNOW WHY PARENTS ARE SCREAMING FOR BETTER EDUCATION FOR OUR KIDS.
(Received in e-mail.)
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Needing good books for your young readers? Check out my "Emily" series. Intriguing, witty, suspenseful 100-page novels set in the mid-1900s in the Appalachian Mountains of eastern Kentucky, these books delight young readers while subtly and gently teaching a moral lesson about honesty, good judgment, prejudice, faith, and more. Best for readers from 7 to 13 years of age.
If you already have these books, maybe you will be interested in the books mentioned below.
"I can't believe I'm so interested in the lives of CHICKENS!"
That's what Lucy H said when she started reading Tales from the Coop. Want to find out what she found to cause her to also say that this is my best book ever? Check it out here: Tales from the Coop by Tina Collins and James Johnson--you won't believe the adventures and antics these chickens get caught up in; but they learn some valuable lessons, and so will your young reader.
Stop the World and Get off for a Little While
If you've been through a divorce you will identify with the woman in When Angels Cry. This is a fictional account of a real divorce. You know the heartache. You know the misery. You know the rage. You know the insanity. Take a break from reality, relax with a cup of hot chocolate, and get lost in someone else's troubles. You know it'll make you feel at least a little bit better to know you aren't alone. Escape now: When Angels Cry
Need Something to Read in the Bathroom?
What About Brian is a collection of twenty spiritual articles that can usually be read in one "sitting." Some titles are "Broken Salmon," "A Cookie Cutter World," and "Standing in a Deep, Dark Pit." This book makes a great gift for a sick or shut-in friend. Read one of the articles now: What About Brian
Need Old Handwritten Sermons or Articles Made Electronic?
I know most of us have handwritten material that we wish we had on our computer but are too lazy or don't have the time or energy to devote to typing them up. Well, I would be happy to be of service to you in this regard. Contact me at mykentuckybooks@gmail.com for pricing.
